My Bangladeshi Wedding: Gaye Holud Part II – Our looks and attires

THE SAREE

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For our Holud, I decided to stick to traditional. The saree is the national dress for Bangladeshi women, and as I had decided to wear lehengas on both my wedding and wedding reception, it was a perfectly fitting option for the holud.

For each of the major events, I focused on one or two gemstones or precious metals which formed the basis of my ensemble. For the engagement, it was pearls and polki, for the bridal shower, diamonds, for the wedding gold with a touch of ruby, and for the reception, sapphire and diamonds.

And for the Holud? It was pure gold. The Indian subcontinent and its people have had long love-affair with gold and for generations we have adorned ourselves with this precious metal to mark important milestones and celebrations. We not only use as jewellery, but have even incorporated it into the garments we wear by weaving them with gold, and gold coated pure mulberry silk threads. The region that is perhaps most renowned for this practice is Kachipuram in the South of India, which is where my saree was woven. Sarees are typically designed with various threads, embroideries, sequins, and, or stones,  however, sarees such as the Kachipuram focus wholly on the weaving.  Motifs or designs are woven into the saree and often are symbolic of nature, temples or deities. What made the saree I chose to wear special, was the entire absence of any motifs of designs. The saree was wholly constructed of gold zari and as a result contains a significant weightage of the precious metal. For this reason, to me, it has become more than a piece of garment, and is something which I would like to keep and possibly pass on to a loved one. For those interested in these sarees, it important to be careful with your purchases as replicas do exist. Kanchipuram sarees are patented and registered and will contain holograms indicating their authenticity.

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Kachipuram saree available at Nabila Boutiques Ltd

The simplicity of the saree allowed us to be creative with the blouse. Although typically created with the intention of an exposed midriff and shorter sleeves, I wanted mine to be longer both in sleeve and body length. There is something I find quite elegant about full length blouses and since I was going to be performing I also thought that it would be the most comfortable option. The saree itself came with a border which contained a tiny sliver of green and so in keeping with our theme, my mom designed a green blouse with cut-work on the body which allowed the original gold Kachipuram blouse piece to show through. The body of the blouse was also decorated with embroidered green flowers and the ends of the sleeves were of the same material as the saree.

As for the veil, I did not want it to be a distraction, rather it was designed to be a complementary addition to the garment which brought together the saree and the blouse. We chose a glimmering net fabric for the base and surrounded it with an intricately embroided green border which reflected the cutwork in the blouse.

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HAIR, MAKE-UP AND JEWELLERY

To complement the gold on my attire, I paired it with traditional gold jewellery.  Floral jewellery, using artificial or fresh flowers is also a highly popular choice for holuds. Although I did not personally want to pair floral jewellery with my ensemble, I did want to incorporate flowers into my look and so I put flowers in my hair and attached strands of orchids and chrysanthemums from my brooch.

Like with all the other events, I did my own make-up. I wanted smooth and glowing skin for holud, which I tried to achieve with a combination of my favourite blushes and highlighters. The highlight of my look, however, were the eye and I brought attention to them with golden glitter lids and shades of deep bronze. The look was completed with a shade of mauve-pink on the lips, a shade which I find flattering on myself.

I also chose an interesting, traditional purse to pair with my look. What appealed to me was that it was of an unconventional shape, was constructed of metal, adorned with embellishments and that it really stood out against the smooth texture of my saree.

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Kachipuram saree available at Nabila Boutiques Ltd

NAVEED’S ACHKAN

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Achkan available at Nabila Boutiques Ltd

My mom and I put plenty of thought and time into designing Naveed’s achkan for the holud. It had to stand out, but it couldn’t be as extravagant as the sherwani he was wearing for the wedding. Panjabis or kurtas with a Nehru jacket were a popular choice but were not providing the uniqueness we sought. Naveed is also very picky with his colour and design choices and we knew that he preferred simplicity and elegance – so bold prints and designs, such as florals, were a no-go.

Whilst designing his attire, my mom and I were inspired by the moss green, and deep browns ever-present in nature and after having many conversations with Naveed we finally decided that it was to be an olive green achkan – a traditional knee length buttoned jacket. The achkan is a classic, and as we sought to be a little bit different from the norm, my mom designed a subdued dhoti style bottom or pyjama, which he paired with formal dark brown boots. The details were subtle but truly helped bring together his outfit with mine. Antique gold buttons on the cuff and on the body added the slightest touch of glimmer to go with my attire.

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Kanchipuram saree and Achkan available at Nabila Boutiques Ltd

THE BRIDESMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN

As mentioned in my earlier posts about the wedding invitations (click here to see), the bride’s and groom’s family generally gift matching attires to their close friends and family, so instead of seeing bridesmaids and groomsmen dressed in matching attires you see the whole extended family and friends. Since Naveed and I have massive extended families and plenty of friends in Bangladesh, seeing everyone dressed in their matching ensembles on the night was a great sight.

We wanted different but complementary looks for both sides for our family. We gifted the women chunari sarees, with two distinct colours around the skirt and the body and achol (the part that drapes over the shoulder, called pallu in Hindi). The Holud is supposed to be a colourful event, but we had foregone the inclusion of multiple colours in our décor so that our guests could shine and bring colours in into the celebration with their attires.

For the men, we wanted simple but quality panjabis as many have specifications as to which colours and designs they are willing to wear. For the bride’s side, it was a muted gold, and the groom’s side, pine green, all made of quality silk.

Naveed and I also have a whole bunch of mutual friends and as such it would impossible to put them into the bride’s or groom’s side, so we decided to make things simple for ourselves. All our female friends wore the red and gold sarees, and all our male friends wore the green panjabi.

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Sarees: Nabila Boutiques Ltd

THE DANCERS

As it is particularly difficult to dance in saree, we designed an additional attire for the female performers. Flowy chiffon skirts in shades of green were matched with a green top with a few embroidered magenta highlights and a magenta scarf or dupatta. The purpose of this outfit was to be comfortable and to bring together the colours associated with the bride’s side of the family, and the groom’s.

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A big thank you has to be given to my mom, Shamima Nabi, who was the creative brains behind the looks and the designer of Naveed and my attires.

In my next post, I will be writing about our holud gifts or dalas. It’s an important element of the holud ceremony. and each family does is differently. Stay tuned for the next post where I’ll be showing you how our families decided to show their creative talents.

My Bangladeshi Wedding: Gaye Holud Part I

 

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The most festive of the Bengali wedding ceremonies, the Gaye Holud is a joyous event filled with song, dance, laughter and a ridiculous amount of food consumption. Literally translating to “turmeric on the body,” originally, this ceremony used to be a small one, where family and friends of the bride and groom would attend their respective homes a few days before the wedding, to celebrate and to apply a special paste, made largely of turmeric on their faces and bodies.  Now, you may ask, why turmeric? It was largely supposed to be a beautification process, enhanced with other ingredients such as sandalwood and rosewater, this paste is supposed to cleanse and exfoliate the skin and leave you with soft, supple glowing skin on your wedding day, when the everyone you know (or the whole town) comes to see you. For some families, it had it even greater meaning as turmeric was supposed to ward off evil spirits or an evil eye before the auspicious wedding day.

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Fast forward to today, and specifically to my Gaye Holud, the actual application of the turmeric paste was largely just ceremonial. The event itself gave us another reason to exchange gifts, sing, dance, let our hair down and really celebrate. So what happened on the day and how did we prepare for it?

Naveed and I decided to have our Gaye Holud together in one ceremony. Some families choose to host two separate events for the bride and groom , but we wanted to celebrate together and honestly could not imagine adding another event to the already long list of events.

The morning started with the first delivery of gifts or dalas, as Naveed’s sisters, cousins and brothers-in-law delivered to my house, sweets for my family, and two ginormous fish dressed up as a bride and groom.  I don’t know exactly how dressing up fish became a common practice at weddings but I must admit seeing fish dressed in full costume is rather amusing. The rest of the gifts were to be exchanged at the event and I’ll be writing a whole post on our Holud Dalas very soon, otherwise this one will become exceedingly long.

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When it comes to preparations, the Holud requires the most rigorous, time-consuming, coordinated and exhausting prep. Why? Because almost every item which is presented to the bride and groom, for every one of the upcoming events is beautifully decorated and presented in extraordinary gift baskets. Not only this, but the gifts for immediate family members, and extended family members too, are often carefully wrapped and presented in such dalas. Naveed and I both have families who well and truly like getting creative with our gift ideas, so needless to stay we spent months planning and creating these dalas which were brought in and displayed on the night of our Holud.

And that’s just the start of it. Friends and younger family members, such as cousins, also put together elaborate dance and vocal performances, skits and plays for the attendees, and for the bride and groom. For our Holud, our beloved friends and family put together an entire comical musical illustrating how Naveed and I met, and how the meeting eventually transformed into marriage. As you can imagine, this required great efforts and many nights of rehearsals and practice.

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Preparations also included all the other general things you would think of planning and preparing for a wedding including venue décor, music and menu selection. Although many choose to incorporate multiple colours into the décor of the Holud  to mark its joyousness, we decided to go with a theme which is not often done in Bangaldeshi weddings; rustic glam. We incorporated elements of a rustic garden, including pots, plants, burlap and barrels with glamorous elements such as chandeliers and intricate woodwork and ended up with creations such a ceiling adorned with vine-twined chandeliers.

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And did I forget to mention that the bride and groom make a special entrance on the day, which was also prepared in accordance with the theme? For me, it was a carriage. Yes, a carriage. One that was designed and decorated by my dearest mother (she did this in a cast and with a broken leg). The groom often walks into the venue under a beautiful traditional fabric held over his head (as opposed to being wheeled in, or carried on a palanquin like a bride), but we decided to change it up a little. We designed a wire umbrella, which was adorned with flowers as a replacement for the fabric, and hired what is essentially a Bangladeshi folk marching band to announce his arrival.

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Once we entered the venue, we sat on a stage on which there was also a delicious arrangement of edibles, sweet and savoury. After we took our seats, which was preceded by plenty of dancing and celebrating, the Rakhi ritual took place.  It’s a rather quick ritual where the parents of the bride tie a rakhi, a traditional decorative bracelet, on the wrist of the groom, and the parents of the groom tie a rakhi on the wrist of the bride to symbolise unity.

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Naveed’s especially designed bead rakhi – because he wouldn’t put on anything glittery

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Following the rakhi exchange the guests were welcome to come up to the stage, apply some Holud to our faces and our hands, feed us a little something and wish us well for our lives ahead. This continued till the end of the night, only pausing during the time of the performances.

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One of my favourite about these rituals are that they not religious rituals at all, in fact the entire event has no religious basis, and is rather a cultural celebration. Bangladesh is melting pot of different cultures, and we have adopted elements of Indian, Arabic, Pakistani and even Anglo-American rituals into our own. This is one of the reasons Bangladeshi wedding celebrations are so unique, and it’s also why I find writing about them so enjoyable.

 

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This event was so incredibly festive and fun, and looking back at it makes me want to live it all over again.

In my upcoming posts, I will be writing about our looks and attires, how we chose them, and of course our Holud dalas and the inspirations behind them. Watch this space for new content, and for the meantime here are two trailers from the event 🙂

 

My Bangladeshi Wedding: The Invitations

Us Bengalis really like to get creative with our wedding invitations, and over the years I have seen everything from invitations delivered in miniature palkis (palanquins), in boxes of sweets, in glass bottles and in the form of hilarious movie posters with caricatures of the bride and groom.

For our invitations we wanted to give our guests a sneak peak into the theme of our Holud (one the pre-wedding events which I will be posting about soon), Rustic Glam. As we have multiple events in our weddings, we also have multiple invitations, and this is especially important as each of the events have somewhat different guest lists, despite having great degree of overlap. You can imagine how much fun planning all of this must be.

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Traditionally, the bride and the groom’s families gift matching attires to close friends and families to wear to the Holud – think bridesmaids and groomsmen, except this was many of our close friends and almost all of our extended family, meaning hundreds of people dressed in attires from the groom’s side, or the bride’s. These attires are usually given with the invitations and so, we thought of designing a box in the Rustic Glam theme, which would contain the invitations, the attires, chocolates as a sweet treat and a special little gift they could keep as memorabilia, an engraved crystal pen.

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The box was designed by my mother and she hand selected each of the items, everything from the burlap to the lace and the pearls, that was to adorn them. Although it was exhausting, putting together the invitations was incredible fun.

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One of the stacks of invitations as we were putting them together

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Naveed and I personally designed the inserts of our cards and searched long and hard to find complementary, yet dissimilar laser cut cards. The butterfly card, which was the Holud invitation just gave a little touch of the garden theme and some of the unused butterflies were actually used to decorate the carriage in which I entered our Holud – more on this soon ! Stay tuned.

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A few members of team bride (red) and team groom (green) on the day of the Holud 🙂